Rather Feel Pain Than Nothing At All
by TicTacStory
Summary: Sex, Alcohol and Drugs. You might get bi-curious, heck, you might even realize you like dick. Vodka or Barcadi might substitute Coca-Cola, or Fanta. Drugs might become the new way of playing. Meeting Jonghyun must have been faith, but meeting him in the way I did must have been a warning.


I walked out of the building, trying to be objective but couldnt neglect the feeling of dissapointment.

I was fired from my third job this month.

Me, Kim Kibum, aged .

We have all been fired and we have all had some crappy jobs, but heck, knowing this and generalizing myself aren`t helping the fact that I, Kim Kibum got fired.

Fired from a nightclub.

A nightclub, thats right.

One of those nigthclubs filled with half naked women, hanging on poles, serving drinks in pierced tittes and thongs, with hooker heels and asking if you want "more" in the most horniest way any straight guy couldnt resist.

Sigh.

_"You havent graduated from school have you?"_

_"No sir."_

_"Chances of you getting an actual job is close to none, right?"_

_"...Yes, sir."_

_"If I were to fire you what will you do?"_

"..."

Sunk in my thoughts, ashamed of myself having to bow down and talk in a polite mannerism to a sadistic overweight old man who enjoyed puffing cigarettes and watching underaged girls shake their butt and boobs to earn him a mansion or two in Gangnam.

Reminding myself that I sunk that low was enought to depress me.

For a mere six thousand won a month I had to work ten hours a day, working as a dog for a horrible man.

_"You are a school drop out, you have no say in your salary, contract conditions, or anything else really, soo just shut up and do what I tell you to do."_

He was right, I have to take whatever I can.

Dignity or pride on the working field or even private life is lost, I have not choice, I was the one who choose to drop out, and thus have to deal with the consequences.

Still, I was fifteen, I have survived two years of countless jobs, two years of having to take, two years of utterly bullshiting around doing nothing with my life,nothing with the dreams I had and nothing with my suposed "talents."

When you`re fifteen you are discovering, trying new things, fail in the things you thought you could prevail in, and prevail in the things you were shure to fail.

You might get bi-curious, heck, you might even realize you like dick.

Vodka or Barcadi might substitute Coca-Cola, or Fanta.

Drugs might become the new way of playing.

An explosion of discoveries in such a short period is not good for anyone, you need on hell of a mentality if you can still focus on your studies, your dreams, your responsibilities in _**that **_period.

Sex, Alcohol and Drugs.

Is it coincidence that taking the first letter of each word makes "Sad"?

My deep and philosophical mood was interupted by myself when I entered the grocery store, loosing my job is one thing, but an angry Nicole is another.

She is _**not **_going to be pleased when she hears about me loosing my job again.

I shook my head and decided to concentrate on the food.

Even if I say soo myself, for a "good for nothing dropout" I _**am**_ a pretty damn good cook.

Rice, rosè beef, spinache and soi sauce.

Maybe some vodka, too.

Maybe then she will forget everything I wil tell .

I am soo good.

Getting everything I need, I walked to the counter, a middle aged woman eyed me from tip to toe.

Maybe she has never seen a guy with various ear piercings, a lip piercing a mickey mouse sweater, thight jeans and short boots before.

I nodded politely, even though I felt like anything _but _polite at that moment, and put my foods infront of her.

"That will be Seventeen and ninty nine cents." She said.

Digging in my pocket, I put a tenner, a fiver and three euros on the counter, reminding myself I had to buy myself a money purse.

_A purse for what? its not like I have any money to put in anyway._

The woman didnt bother giving me my one cent back, I didnt feel like arguing soo I got my stuff and headed for the door, before I got out, a short boy pushed me in.

And with short I mean SHORT.

Short in the way that he is a half a head, maybe a head shorter than me, in the way that my lips would touch his forehead.

It was a very funny sight, to be honest.

I was taken back by the boy who bumped into me, I call him boy because, well, judging from his height he might aswell just be ten years old.

When he looked up to me, however, I saw he was older than me, not by much, but still older. "Are you going to move or what?" He said, not seeming the least bit sorry he was the one who pretty much knocked me over in the first place.

I should forgive the poor guy.

I mean he probably didnt see me in the first place, maybe he had a bad day, I would, too, if I was soo short.

I sympatize.

He walked passed me and spat on the floor, maybe he thought he was cool, maybe he thought it was intimidating, at any rate, I just snickered and went to see Nicole, in moments like these she was the best person to see.

Today she auditioned at SM entertainment, I almost forgot.

She is probably getting out about now.

I passed a fancy looking black motorbike, this seemed relevant to me, somehow.

"Key!" A female voice called out, I recognized it inmeadiatly, I turned around and smiled as Nicole about jumped on me and hugged me. "Yah! baby, do you really have to call me by that nickname?" I rolled my eyes and put my arm around, balancing the shopping bag in my other hand.

"Aslong as you live with me, I will be calling you whatever I like, _baby_." she said the last word with annoyance.

Suddenly she realized that it was nine o`clock, and not four in the morning, the usual time I got off from "work."

She bit her lip and stared at me worriedly as me walked to the apartment. "Kibum... dont tell me..."

"Kibum? Not Key anymore?"

"Did you get fired?"

"No." I lied. "I just got off early." was my excuse.

Although I too have to admit that getting off five hours earlier seemed somewhat unrealitic, but whatever.

She remained silent until two blocks later Nicole shoed my arm away and stared at me, we were in a quiet dark street.

Somehow "Seoul" and "Quiet" just didnt seem right.

It was uncomfortable being soo quiet with her.

Trying to get some conversation going on, I asked her. "How did your audition go?"

"I didnt do it."

Surprised, it wasnt like her to give up last minute, she had an amazing voice, one like that should not go unoticed. "Wh-"

"The auditions were cancelled and moved to next month due emergency." She said, angrily. "Key, what happened at work?"

"Nothing, I said." I was starting to get annoyed. "Who cares anyway."

"I do!" She exclaimed and shook her head, we didnt move at all, from afar we must`ve looked like a couple in an argument. "Key, you promised you would do best you could, you fucking promised!"

Nicole wasnt one to swear, obviously I was taken back by her sudden outburst.

"I want to support you in everything, but I cannot fucking do that when you yourself doesnt even try to stay with the same job longer than a month!" She continued.

"Oi, Nicole, keep it down-" I tried.

"Keep it down?!" Her anger disabled her of wording a sentence with sense.

"You sound like a fucking drunk person." I grabbed her wrist and walked forward, I didnt like the feeling of that street, it was cold, It was quiet, it was dark, all I wanted was my shower and my bed.

"What do you expect? Your third job this month, Key, your THIRD-" She freed herself from my grip. "Do you WANT to fucking live on the street? are you even trying? You selfish son of a -"  
I couldnt keep calm anymore. "Jesus christ Nicole do I want to end up on the streets? Honey, I HAVE already lived on the streets, Fallen lower than you can imagine, I dont think loosing a shitty job like this is going to have any significant impact on me anymo-"

She cut me off. "You can TRY, damnit, Over the past year and a half I have known you...you... you just seem soo..."

"So what?! Soo sad, soo pitifull? Is that it? do you feel pity for me? I can tell you I dont need your fucking pity."

I continued. "And all that about me not giving a fuck and not even trying? Of course I dont a fuck why should I give a fuck about a job where I have to sell drugs to fucking minors, or blackmail girls that are fucking desparate for someone to help them? why the FUCK should I care about that? do you want me to work in a decent job? where the hell are they going to hire somebody like me? A good for nothing selfish son a bitch, like you said, fucking he-"

She slapped me, right in the face, hard.

And pushed me, I shut up.

My previous anger seemed to fade, too.

She slapped me hard enough I think I might have forgotten the past 17 years if her strenght hit me in the head instead.

I sighed. "Lets just not talk about it, tommorow I will start looking again, I guess."

She didnt seem convinced however she didnt continue our argument.

We walked silently out of the street, or were going to.

"Cant you do what I_ fucking _tell you to do?"

Nicole and I stopped again, and being the idiots we are, followed to voice.

I spotted the black fancy motorbike from before, judging by the voices there were only two people.

One was speaking, no, shouting and ordering.

The other was only moaning, painfull moans, and some sobbing, too.

Nicole went ahead of me.

"Nicole!" I whispered.

I was ignored.

"If I tell you to bring the money, you bring the fucking money, get it?"

He obviously didnt, while I couldnt see it the victim screamed, maybe he got a kick in the stomach, maybe he got injected with some sort of drug.

Before when I said I didnt like "Seoul" and "Quiet" I meant it, I have seen alot of things in the half year of whoring around these streets.

Nicole was ready to jump in on the scene.

As if it was that easy,

As if entering the scene and "rescueing" the boy would be the only thing to take to save the day.

If anything it would make it worse, and not only will the victim be the one beaten, but Nicole, the "savior" too.

I held her hand and put my left hand on her mouth before she could say or do anything stupid.

We dared to look over the corner and saw the ones involved.

Many thoughts crossed my mind at once.

The boy, the "cool bully" was the short guy from before, thus the black motorbike.

The "victim" was a young boy, probably not even twelve.

The boy was bleeding, either that or shirts with blood stains were in this year.

The boy was also crying, had bruises open lip, blue eye, and had a hand around his neck.

There was also a woman, who tried to calm the older guy down, but failed, she probably knew him, seeing that she was smart enough not to get further involved.

Maybe im just judging to early, or maybe not.

But that guy seemed like someone who wouldnt think twice about hitting a girl.

If he could beat the living hell out of a kid, why couldnt he hit a woman?

Nicole bit my hand, I let out an "Ow!"

The violent scene frooze, the two boys and girl looked straight in our eyes.

Nicole rushed to the girl. "Jessica!" She said along the way.

Jessica?

Jessica...

Jessica.

Where have I head that name before?

"Oh shit, Jessica." The older boy looked at Nicole dirtily, he dropped the younger boy on the trash bags that were put there.

The boy was paralyzed, I asked myself it it was because of the shock, or had he got a hard enough beaten to kill him?

I shivered at the thought, and without thinking it over like I usually did I walked to the boy and made him look at me, checked his pulse.

He was breathing heavily. I tried to make him stand up but he wouldnt move.

"Nicole...I-" The girl named Jessica seemed shocked.

No one spoke a word for a few seconds, the only sound was the heavy breathing of the boy.

It was short young man who broke the silence. "The fuck is this?! Arent you the one from the shop?"

I didnt answer him, fully aware he talking to me though.

He grabbed my collar from behind. "Im talking to you."

Again I didnt answer him, and again I asked the boy to stand up.

He grabbed me by hair and I turned around. "Please let go, will you?" I asked politely, only to recieve the second hit in my face that say.

My beautiful, beautiful face.

"Jonghyun!" Jessica Yelled out and held Jonghyun by the arm.

I was however Unnipressed. "Did that make you feel better? Is beating the crap out of people the only thing you can do?" I asked.

"Key!" Nicole warned.

"You son of a..." Jonghyun pushed me hard against the dirty wall, my head bumped against it, it hurt, alright.

He grabbed my shirt and violently pushed me down, again, my head hit the wall, and again it hurt like hell.

Regardless, I snickered at him. "I was right, right?"

Jonghyun got even more pissed off, but before he could do anything else a we heard police and ambulance sirens.

Jonghyun just spat at me, told Jessica to "Run" and kicked the kid one more time before he ran for it.

Nicole and I exchanged looks.

We both had a not-soo-fine history with the cops, we didnt need them to identify us and kick us in jail for maybe ten years, or a fine that we could never ever pay.

Soo obviously we made a run for it, too, but together we brought the kid with us.

We made it in our apartment, The kid was on our couch.

Nicole brought him water, I made him food.

Leaving the kid alone, I asked Nicole who Jessica was.

"A childhood friend from school."

I nodded. "Well that friend of yours has a horrible taste in men, just saying." I said remembering the short guy, "Jonghyun" was his name.

"Actually, he has a pretty face, and nice arms." I thought out loud.

"I dont think its her boyfriend, but thats not important is it? Why did you get involved with that guy?"

I couldnt believe it. "Um, Hel-lo, YOU were the one who went all `Ohmygod Nicole` out of nowhere, not me, if you want me to leave you there and end up like that kid then just tell me."

Nicole realized I was right, this made me feel good about myself.

Our apartment was as far from "high class" as you can get, one bathroom, on room, a kitchen that shouldnt be even called a kitchen, and a living room, with living room I mean a couch, a mini tv and a coffee table that is broken by the way.

Sometimes I slept on the couch, sometimes I slept with Nicole.

Sometimes I didnt even sleep.

"Umm...miss..." The boy muttered from the couch, we stared at him, as if we almost forgot he was there, on our sexy leather couch.

Can I just take a moment to say that the sexy leather couch is the only classy item in this apartment, I mean "sexy" is the only adjective I can think about to describe it.

Im shure Nicole agrees with me.

And the kid too, probably.

"Where am I?" He asked, Nicole and I sat next to him on our sexy leather couch, and bombarded him with questions.

Decency was unknown here.

Nicole started.

"What is your name?"

The boy blinked a few times, he seemed nervous.

"Uuum...Taemin..."

Blink, blink.

"Lee Taemin."

**A/N Soo, sligthly emo Key, douchebag Jonghyun, Beaten Taemin, confusing relationships, hate me if you want :D**

**I just want you to know that this story will end when "SHINee" is in their debut.**

**Please comment if you want more, remember, YOU are my motivation ^_^**


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